The Domesticated Struggle

I solely apologize for the wait for the 5th installment in the Reformed Slut series, but I SWEAR I have a good excuse- My son was sick, I was also sick, and between that and work, I was strapped (more like duct-taped without shaving) balls to the wall with one thing or another. But ALAS! I am back ... quite possibly a little less slutty, but still unashamed of everything. 

My husband will tell you that I am one of the most cluttered and messy, yet cleanest and OCD people he has met, and I am okay with a tornado crazed house every once in a while even though it drives him crazy. In our house, the cleaning is my responsibility along with taking care of our crotch fruit and not going to lie, cleaning is not on the top of my list. 

I'm going to tell you a little story about my last room mate.... 

He was my cousin and I moved in to help him out because his last tenant stiffed him on rent too many times to count, so I was put on the lease and then hell ensued. First off, let me state that he has a zoo in his house and between the lizards and snakes and bugs (breeding cockroaches, mice, and crickets), it had a very distinct smell of bedding and heat lamps on the verge of burning out, but he also never CLEANED. Dishes would sit in the sink for weeks, the cat boxes would never be cleaned (he had 5 cats at one point), and I swear after the 90 gallon turtle tank exploded all over the living room, I thought I was going to die in there. 

I know, I KNOW, why didn't I keep it clean? BECAUSE THERE WAS NO WAY TO KEEP UP WITH EVERYTHING. I would do the tanks and the litter boxes almost every day, but still they would smell within minutes. I would do the dishes almost every night before I went to bed after work, but still by morning there wasn't even a bowl left in the cupboard for cereal in the morning, and for a 30 year old bachelor, I began to realize why this kid had to wait 25 years to lose his V-card and hasn't had anyone since that one woman. 

So when I look around my house today, I realize a basket of folded laundry and some dust on the lamp shades isn't the end of the world and I am okay with picking up my feet and relaxing with my 4 month old. Sometimes the struggle is real to be everything- wife, cook, maid, and mother. Today is one of those days and not going to lie, I chose wife and mother. 

Some of the most creative people's places are cluttered, but I'd eat off my dirty (mopped twice a week) floors whereas my old apartment I was scared to sit on the couch.

Sex After Baby

This week, not going to lie, I was struggling with a topic to post about, until today while on a walk with my neighbor and our boys, had it donned on me that this topic would be perfect for this week. My neighbor had their bundle of joy about a month before I popped out my very own crotch fruit a few months back and she revealed to me that she had not had sex since he was born... This amazed me in many ways, because my husband and I have never had this problem, and in all honesty, our sex life hasn't changed much.  Today, I am going to delve pretty far into our personal life and give you some tips on what to do after baby comes.

First off the majority of women aren't allowed to have sex after labor for at LEAST 6 weeks, but for the lucky few (like me) who hadn't tore and had no damage other than some swelling, then sex can come a whole lot sooner. I know some of you are thinking about the eternal river of blood that is enevitable after birth, but to be honest, if there's a will there's a way, and if you're horny, sex while on your period isn't the end of the world and they did create showers and washing machines for a reason. When you also factor in the never ending night of feedings and no sleep, you might be too tired. Honestly, even when you're tired sex can be mind blowing.

You need to make your husband feel wanted, it's hard, I'm aware, to make him feel like he is still attractive to you after squeezing that watermelon out of your cooter that he himself put in there, but he has needs just like you do and even a simple hand job will do the trick.

My husband and I are still in love like we were before we were married and the word 'no' barely exists in our relationship when it comes to being intimate with each other. But I still keep wondering why people say sex dies after children.... because we obviously never got that memo. Start slow and work your way back to sex. They call it making love for a reason and it's a connection that can't be replaced when with the right person.

My biggest tip is to use condoms. There is nothing worse than finding out at your 8 week check up that you are pregnant with another monster. And to make time for each other, a little effort goes a long way when it comes to sex. 

The Nake Truth

The naked body, your temple, your free moving self, whatever you call it, I know you've stood in the mirror countless times checking yourself out. Whether or not you were looking for flaws or perfection, you look none-the-less. I know I do. It's normal and even gives you a confidence boost that can last you almost all day. But guess what? You aren't the only one looking at that skin suit you wear everyday, others are too. At the mall. Work. Out to eat with your husband. Everyone you cross paths with is summing up your physique as either pleasing or an atrocity. This post today, isn't about you checking yourself out, or those once-overs people walking by give you, it is about those little photos that are taken by a web cam or standing in front of your mirror. Pictures people may ask for. Yes, you guessed it, today I am talking about NUDES. 

Like the fierce lioness you are, I too have stood in front of that mirror and computer in barely a thing, sometimes in nothing at all but my tattoos and piercings posing for some guy who begged me to send one. Well, truth be told, I have sent many, only to one person back in the day (who sadly isn't my husband) who was a bit irresponsible to say the least. The day of my wedding though, I got an email from a friend saying that they saw me, naked, and it wasn't on my Suicide Girls page. I was shocked and pissed to holy hell that everyone I knew had at that moment, the chance to see me in my rawest form.

As of late, the pictures have recently come back to the surface, making a grande appearance in a feed of other hoes from my home town, made it to first on the list even. Am I mad this time? No. Why am I not mad? Because it's my body. Though I am married, have a child and no longer lead the life of a bonefied  slut, I once was, and that body belonged to that wide-eyed, 18 year old woman.

Ladies, embrace the flesh. Take those pics if you must. Send them to every Tom, Dick, or Harry you meet, but if they get into the wrong hands, embrace it fully. Obviously, you are someone that people want to see. And honestly, who doesn't love the female body in all it's beauty? Because trust me, I do.