If you would go and poll my friends, the majority rule will be that I am terrible with advice. Mainly, because I have a 'get over it or fight for it' attitude, and usually I will straight up tell you if you are even worth fighting for in a given situation. I am more of a listener, or fact giver. Ask me about any insect species in the world or about Jeffrey Dahmer and I could probably tell you the answer. But relationship advice? Not so much. Hear me out though, this little bit of advice I DO have, might just save you from years of hating that crush who kissed your best friend.
First off, we all have exes. Granted if you are my age and haven't had a single ex, then cudos to you, but I am calling bullshit. I group exes as crushes, one night stands, a few dates, or been together for ten years before calling it quits. It is anyone who had the power to hurt you and probably did. One night stands are in there because you shared physically, and in reality, you gave some piece of yourself to them that at the time, you probably never even noticed.
My advice is to throw all of that other advice away, that shit you get from magazines or advice blogs or even Dear Anne columns. There is no need to delete their phone number, unfriend them from Facebook, or shred any bit of evidence that they ever existed. Because truth is, you will see them again, catch yourself creeping their profiles, or hearing from others how they are doing; So, tell me what is the point of doing all that useless, waste of time, bullshit? There isn't, you are creating more work for yourself than is actually needed. Both my husband and I still have photos of our exes. Some are on his phone, on my computer, his computer, hell we even have some in hard copy in that giant photo box I keep on the top of the fridge. Most people would get mad at their partner, thinking they still have a hold on us or whatever, but not us, we know it was a piece of our past. Though, I've seen some pics that make me want to go bury myself alive, but not because of the girl in them, but because after having a child, my body image is all fucked up, and DAMN, how he swung that, I have no idea.
Okay, back on topic, you have to separate the feelings you once had for them and remember they are are a human being, full of hopes and dreams and mistakes... just like you are. You shouldn't spread rumors or talk shit even if they do to you. It is childish and shows how much you didn't respect them to begin with and when you are in your 20's, you should be acting like an adult.
I get it, it hurts. I know just as much as you do, how to pain isn't just in your heart, but it is an all over body hurt, and that is okay. Time will sort that out, and a piece of you will always be theirs, but out of sight, out of mind doesn't work. If you need to talk to someone, there is always someone around, but to try and forget a part of your past is just unrealistic. Exes shape your view of men, show you examples of what not to look for later on, and ultimately they lead you to your perfect match. So next time you have a break up, cry it out, put that old pic of you two in a box for storage, and eat a tub of ice cream. One day, you will see each other again, and if you aren't ignoring his existence and attempting to forget him, those feelings will not come back. Trust me on this one. The feelings will fade, and that moment of- 'Oh, THAT is why it didn't work' will come, naturally on it's own.
From one slut to another, I give you that advice.
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