My Husband Doesn't Deserve Me

My husband, he doesn't deserve me. Hear me out though, he truly doesn't deserve me. I am nowhere near the same woman he married, that woman- a 20 year old deer in the headlights, a vivid imagination, and dreams that could keep even the hopeless fed and fearless for a lifetime. That right there, that is the woman he deserves. 

He works too hard, and I too little. 

He gets up at the asscrack of dawn, goes to pt, comes home at breakfast time with barely enough time to shower and have a bowl of cereal before he rushes back out the door, headed back to work that will let out at god knows what hour (if he ever even gets to come home). Whether he is sitting at a desk doing counselings, working on his tank, or out in the field for weeks on end, he is one of the most driven men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. But when he gets home, oh when he gets back, he only thinks of us. Our little turd of a son, and his lazy at best wife. 

See, while he is toiling away at his job, I go from taking care of the little boy we brought into this world and cleaning the house. But most days, he comes back and sees the house in utter ruin. From crafts and a half eaten lunch on the table, to laundry piling up in the living room because I wanted to spend the day outside with Sterling and the dogs completely neglecting my chores. Sometimes, he even does the cleaning after a long rotation and continues to make me a bag of popcorn and a cup of coffee just the way I like it and telling me I need to relax and to go take a few minutes away from our boy. 

He is too understanding of my moods

I admit it, I am a crazy control freak. I feel left out, and I can go from, "Yes, babe, you can go out with the boys" to "Where the fuck are you and why aren't you home?!" at midnight because when he is able to sleep at home, our bed is where he belongs when I am ready for bed and tired of waiting up for him. 

He loves to see me happy and goofy and will do anything to make that happen. Do I need an entire bottle of wine and a hefty bag full of chocolate? He will search till the end of the world for my favorite chocolates and for my utmost favorite wine. Do I need to get a day away from our son? he tells me to go and get my nails done or to go out with the girls (when I have friends, because every move it takes me a year to make new ones). He doesn't give me a time line, or complain when I stay out past midnight. 

He loves me without limits

I can be the biggest cunt in the world, ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you the same. But he is the biggest sweetheart the universe has ever seen. He approaches with caution when he needs to and like a freight train when I need to get back on track. He love me even though I am atheist and he a christian. He loves me when I refuse to pray before a meal and when I scoff when his family ask me to go to church with them and when I tell them there is no way in hell my son will be baptized before he is able to make that decision on his own because he himself should be able to chose what he believes in and we will not predetermine that for him. He love me when I am happy and full of kisses and when I am angry and about to burn down the entire town. He loves me when I am not a very lovable person. But most of all, he knows I love him when I am being stubborn and refuse to show it.

My husband deserves someone like I used to be. Someone driven and reliable. And god damn it, i am going to be what he deserves again, even if it kills me.